ANXIETY: FRIEND OR FOE?

Let me introduce you to the most irritating, and caring friend you may receive in life, its name: Anxiety. 

Anxiety is often confused as something we need to fight or conquer. When really, it’s a tiny little thing, and it seeks to help you. But, how in the world can it feel awful and not be a bad thing? Many people are asking that question, and it makes sense to me why they would. However, I hope these few words help to normalize anxiousness, define it, and offer some coping tools to anyone who may find themselves struggling with it. 

I view Anxiety as a tiny ball of squiggle lines, with stick arms, stick legs and big ole innocent eyes. That tiny mouth can grow, louder and louder until we turn and listen. That is the key to coping with anxiety. We must listen to its ever-nagging feeling and poking to know what it is trying to tell us.

If I don’t know what anxiety is, it’s going to be hard for me to cope with it. So let me define it for you. In our trusted dictionaries you will find Anxiety defined as: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease.  The American Psychological Association talks about Anxiety as: an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes. So why in the world would our bodies allow such feelings? 

To understand, let’s create a model of the brain with our hand. Dr. Daniel J. Siegle, M.D. uses this model, in his book Brainstorm, to help us understand where different areas of the brain are and what they do. You and I are going to simplify the model by paying attention to one main area. Turn the palm of your hand toward your face, lay you thumb in the middle of your palm, close your fingers over your thumb, and ta da! You now have a model of the brain.

As you look at your fingers laying over your thumb, imagine this as the front of your skull. Now lift your fingers to reveal the thumb. The thumb lays in about the same space the limbic system of your brain is located. Part of that area is called your amygdala. The amygdala is the keeper of safety. When Anxiety comes knocking, the Amygdala fires so fast to create important questions for the body. It sends signals all over the body to suggest a fight or flight response. Many people go into one of these two modes to stay safe. However, if there is no actual threat to you, then maybe Anxiety showed up to poke the amygdala. Anxiety is basically checking to see if our amygdala is aware and working.  Anxiety again is constantly seeking to keep us safe, even when you may not need it. 

Experiencing Anxiety often feels like tightness in your body, inability to focus, upset stomach or a sense of dread in your gut area. It can feel scary when Anxiety shows up, and I am suggesting instead of running from or fighting it, you ask it what it needs. 

The first step here is to stop what you are doing, take a few deep breaths. Inhale for at least 2-3 seconds and exhale for 3-4. Letting that breath grow little by little with each inhale. Then simply ask yourself what could I need so desperately that anxiety has shown up? 

At times it’s easy to answer that question. Like, maybe Anxiety showed up in your stomach because you have an exam this afternoon, but you didn’t study like you needed to. Now you are worried you won’t make the grade you want. To sooth that anxious moment, you could text your parent or sibling asking for prayer or encouragement. You could use our coping skill of self-compassion to talk back to worry. Sounding like: “It is ok. You still have worth no matter what grade you make.” 

Other times anxiety gets a little stuck. When it feels stuck and as if it’s too hard to understand then let go of the question “why am I feeling this way” and move toward coping skills. If you don’t have coping skills for anxiety here are a few you can use. 

• Journaling: always keep a notebook on you. Anxiety is a charge to your nervous system and needs a release. Writing can do this; I’m talking pen to paper. Get it out! 

• Moving your body: I am not suggesting a 5-mile run, I am suggesting stretching in your bedroom floor for 15 min or going outside on a walk for 10-20 minutes. 

• Talk to someone: we all need to share these worries at times. Talking to a trusted friend, parent, youth leader, coach, or therapist can help sooth anxiety. It reminds us that we are never alone, no matter how much it may feel that way at times. 

The key to overcoming Anxiety: slow down, listen to your body, tell someone, and use your copings skills to move through it. Anxiety will seem very small again after we sooth it just a little. And don’t forget that the bigger the anxiety the more coping skills we need in that moment. You are normal, and you are not alone! I hope this gives hope and encouragement to all who deal with this annoying little friend known as Anxiety.